Please excuse any typos in this post. It's very difficult to type with this big plastic cone around my head.

I have had this most traumatic life of my week. EVER. First off they put everything in big boxes. Then Mommy leaves. Then these strange men come and TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY while I sit shivering and panting in the crate. Then it gets a little better because we go to this new house with big couches I love to lie on. They smell like a strange dog, but I can't find this dog ANYwhere in the house. Then Mommy comes home. Life is great, right? WRONG.

So I'm out in the new grass, minding my own business with my Glorious Ring, running and frolicking and happy, when Daddy suddenly grabs me and takes me upstairs. And LOCKS me in the bathroom. And he keeps holding me and pouring cold things on me and wrapping up my leg so I can't walk. Whatever, he always does weird shit to me that he claims is "for my own good". But this time he went TOO FAR. Because the next day he takes me in a car ride to some strange place. Where they do demeaning things to me like stick metal objects up my ass. I don't like it. But it gets worse because Daddy LEAVES me there. For hours and hours and days and weeks. I think. I'm not good at reading clocks.

This strange guy keeps grabbing and poking my leg and I DONT LIKE IT. So I squirm a lot. Then he sticks me with something and suddenly I'm very very sleepy. I wake up and my leg is wrapped up and I have this horrible plastic cone on my head!

Then some woman takes me out of the cage and through and door and THERE'S MOMMY AND DADDY!!! Thanks god. They will save me from this horrible torture. But no, they act like I'm not even wearing some big plastic cone on my head because they don't even bother to take it off, and I think they're laughing a lot at me but it's hard to tell because I'm still sooooooo sleepy. I stand and wait for treats and my eyes get droopy and I have to lean on the door to help me stand.

The only good thing is that they don't put me in the crate, but then they leave me alone which is just as bad. I can't chew a bone. I can't go through garbage. I can't destroy my Baby Zebra. The cat mocks me.

This is horrible. Please rescue me. I can't tell you where I am because this place is unfamiliar, but there's grass around and lots of dogs who bark and these ugly pigeons by the window. I'm sure you can find it. Just follow my smell. Thanks.

I am so mad at raybear and dommeyourass. They both went away for a long long long long long long long long long long time. WITHOUT me. Luckily this other woman I like came to visit me a couple times and I liked to show off by running back and forth and pushing the bed halfway across the room. She took me to the park which I like but I wanted to run and run without that leash being pulled.

I had to sleep all alone in the crate. The cat hid all weekend. It was boring. I'm so mad at Daddy. So mad.

Oh wait, it's almost five oclock and people are coming home soon....what was I talking about?

Date:	2003-09-16 11:12
Subject:	CAT!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy

I haven't written in a long time and I'll tell you why. Because every time I go into the computer room I get distracted by this tiny orange thing that hides in the closet. I want to sniff and lick it SO BAD but when I get close she makes this hissing noise and bats her paw, so then I think, yes! She wants to wrestle! But I always get called away before it can happen.

She gets to sit in the window but when I try to go look out the window, Daddy says no and tells me dogs don't belong on tables. It's so not fair.

She teases me. I'll be sitting in the crate, and she rubs on their faces and sits in my chair and sits in the window and meows and runs around and climbs on the back of the couch and I can't do anything. Well, I get to sleep on the bed at night if I'm quiet and she's not. Damn, she's loud and annoying sometimes. Complain, complain, complain. Then she gets shut in the bathroom and I'm secretly glad. Except then I can't sneak in and eat her food.

Really I just want her to play with me and pay attention with me. That really all I want from everyone in the world.

Daddy has been slow in setting up the computer, so I had to break out of the house and run to the library to use the computer. The sign says "no dogs allowed" but I just put on a hat and sunglasses so no one would recognize me.

So yeah, what the hell is going on? We're in this new place that sort of seems the same but it's way different and I hear lots of people running around and dogs barking but Daddy yells at me when I bark back. I'm just trying to protect us, geez.

There's a lot more grass and plants to sniff and pee on, which I like. Tons and tons of smells. I can't get enough when we go outside.

The other night Daddy give me a little bit of cottage cheese with my regular food. It tasted really really good. But I had some problems afterwards. I had a hard time. I'm too embarassed to go into detail, but let's just say the towels from my crate are now in a garbage bag in the corner. The good news is I scored a new blanket. The bad news is I'm still having to hang out in the crate.

Yesterday I got into trouble when I jumped on the couch. Except I sort of missed and landed on Daddy's head then bounced off onto the other woman. She was weird and wouldn't play gimme-the-ring! and didn't appreciated me licking her pillow. Nothing was working to show how cute I am.

Something is happening. A few things have disappeared from the house. And there are lots of big brown funny smelling boxes in the living room.

Daddy is talking to me a lot. He keeps giving these little talks, something about leaving and a new place and living with cats. I just want him to throw the ring. And give me the new treats he brought home.

This morning Daddy was in the kitchen and it smelled GOOD. I stood by the oven and licked my lips because it made me drool so much. He was talking to me about something (I never really listen) and then he reached down and put a whole bunch of it in my food dish! I was so excited and grabbed a mouthful and ran into the living room.

When I got there I settled in on the couch and started chewing. It was sort of dry and tasteless -- not at all what I was smelling. I ran back in the kitchen just in time for him to be shutting the door to the fridge.

He tricked me! I wanted turkey and he gave me bread. I went and got the bread, carried it into the hallway, and spit it out by his feet. I'm nobobdy's fool.

Last night I got to play with a grape. I take it in my mouth, and when I bite it, it shoots out onto the floor! I grab it again, it shoots out, I bite it again, it shoots out. Best. Game. Ever. I started running around on the couch with the grape in my mouth until daddy yelled at me something about choking. Finally it got mushed in my mouth and I swallowed it.

God, it's about time he got off the computer and gave me a chance. He's on here so much.

One of my uncles just came by who I love to play with but he and daddy just stood and talked to each other and then got mad when I growled and barked and jumped on them. PAY ATTENTION TO ME! Why bother being here except for me?

The other night I had the best time ever, sitting and lying and sleeping between two bodies for twelve hours straight. Why isn't life like this all the time? Why aren't I constantly being petted?

I took a really long car ride yesterday. It was hot and I didn't like that part. I drooled a lot in the back seat. Though I often drool a lot.

The other day Daddy left me alone for a long long time and I'd been good for most of last week so I decided I deserved some fun. So I pulled the food bag down, which was pretty boring. I mean, I don't really eat it when it's in the dish so being in a big bag wasn't any better. The canned stuff is where it's at, but I can't figure out the can opener yet. Anyway, I found this paper bag that was a JACKPOT -- huge rawhide bones. I mean, sure I had one or two other ones already floating around, but these were FRESH. I chewed the tag first, then got to work. I also carried around this wooden handled screwdriver for awhile but it was heavy and hurt my teeth, so I shredded a plastic bag instead.

That'll teach Daddy for leaving me alone.

Yesterday it rained hard but Daddy was nice and didn't take me out until after it stopped. I don't like water much.

I have this other problem.

The back parking lot has lots and lots of rats. I get so excited to see them scurrying around. I want to chase them and I think about what they'll feel like in my mouth, how their little bones with crunch in my teeth. I will shake my head if they make that high-pitched squeaking noise that hurts my ears.

But they're so small they get away and hide behind gutter pipes and dumpsters. And Daddy's always pulling on the leash which doesn't help either.

So I get so charged up by these rodents and want them so bad and I'm trying to hunt them out and he's pulling on me and talking to me but I'm not listening because I'm trying to hear the rats. Shhh, Daddy.

Then he gets mad after a long time and we go back inside. I keep thinking about those rats for awhile, but then give up.

And realize I still need to pee. I forgot in all the excitement!

Damn those rats. It's all their fault.

Catwoman's back!! I thought she left forever. I tried to eat her last night, but she didn't like that. But I was still happy.

I still don't understand the whole bed thing and where I'm supposed to go and when. Sophie, get down I'm changing the sheets. Sophie, come here on to the bed. Sophie, lie down by me. Sophie lie down by my feet. Sophie, get down from my head. Sophie, get off the bed.

Daddy kicked me a lot last night. He kept twisting around and waking me up. Hello, I'm trying to sleep on your legs, could you stop moving them? Thanks. The loud noises outside the window scared me so I tried to hid under the blankets between them. They kept trying to take the blanket away from me but I would let them. I needed it to hide under.

Last night I didn't pee for Daddy because I was distracted my rats in the back. First he wouldn't let me catch the injured pigeon, now he's keeping me from the rats! He's so mean. We went back inside then I realized I had forgotten to pee, so I tried to look very cute and pitiful and earnest, and it worked. He put his shoes and robe and we went out again. I tried to go after the rats again, but decided it's best not to push my luck and risk having to hold my bladder all night.

It's rainy. I'm going back to sleep.

Now they're BOTH gone and I'm home alone!

Last night they went to bed early. I was confused but fell asleep. I got up in the middle of the night to play but they still wanted to sleep. Then at six o'clock this really loud bell was ringing, and before I knew it, they were putting on shoes and leaving! Traitors.

Yesterday evening we went for a car ride. I thought we were going to see Catwoman and the cats, but I never got out of the car and then we went back home. I like to sit in the back seat and sniff the air coming in from the windows. I like to bark at other dogs on the sidewalk, but they ignore me. They're probably jealous that I'm in a car and they have to walk. Suckers.

I forgot to mention I got eat a latex glove! I love them. Daddy gets mad when I do it, but sometimes I can swallow a finger or two before he's able to get it out of my mouth. They taste so good! Even if they feel weird when they come out the other end.

So this guy is here and I'm trying to type this entry without his knowledge. I'm not sure what the deal is -- he seems pretty nice and looks like Daddy, but I'm suspicious. All these different people sleeping in the house -- I need stability! I hope he's not here to replace Catwoman or Deadbeat Mommy. Okay, Mommy's not really a deadbeat and Daddy tells me she still loves me and is only in California for the summer but I don't know what that means! I'm a dog! How long is summer? What are months? It seems like months that Daddy is gone during the day, but I always forget as soon as he walks in the door.

This guy seems okay though and at least I'll have someone to lick all day. I'm going to go get the ring and shove it in his lap to make him play with me.

Date:	2003-07-09 16:04
Subject:	Welcome to the world, baby girl.
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy

I'm learning English! Daddy has started leaving me out of the crate during the day and now I know how to log onto his computer. Troubs! (As he likes to say.)

I'm typing pretty well considering I need to have my claws trimmed.

Last night there was food on the table and people on the floor but no one would play with me enough -- they were too busy looking at these tiny pieces of paper and making weird noises. I was so confused when they talked to me, but they seemed nice. I jumped on them to show them how much I wanted them to stay.

This afternoon while napping I dreamt of those cats over at dommeyourass's house. Why won't they play with me? I want to chase them so bad.

I hope Daddy will play fetch with me tonight when he comes home.